The first week of my weightloss journey

I weigh 233 lbs and I am 5'1.

that's unacceptable. un-freaking-acceptable.

I NEVER noticed my weight, sure I will make a few chubby jokes and know that I am "pleasantly plump" but I never let my weight define me. Call me vain, but I always thought I was pretty and always felt comfortable in my own skin, even if that skin happened to be fat.

SO! I started to notice a bit of a double chin- that was my first clue, then the rest of me was rounder than usual and shit started to hit the fan. I ignored it thought because I was going through a lot.

It wasn't until one Sunday at Karaoke that I realized I was fat- and NOT PH. Adrian took a picture of me singing karaoke, and I might as well have been singing "shes a brick house" because that's what I looked like and felt like in the picture. Maybe it was my pants, or my shirt, or the angle, or the lighting, but maybe- JUST MAYBE it was me! I was fat! How did I not notice? How did I let myself go!? and why, WHY! did it NEVER bother me, and WHY did I never see myself as obese as I was? I have no idea. I have good self-esteem and good people in my life, so I guess I have always been happy and not worried about it, but things are OUT OF HAND and I don't want to have ANY health risks.

How did I get so fat? AKA- what are my excuses for letting my body go?

1st, I am on anti-depression medicine that I got on shortly after my parents split and I was in the middle of quitting my sorority. Side effects of the meds are that you gain weight- never really says how much. I was sick of trying alternative meds so when I found something I stuck with it- even if I'd gain a few extra Lbs.

2nd, I had a miscarriage- definitely one, but potentially two. The one that I had was a really bad one. From being on birth control and other medications my uterus was not a "fit home" for a baby to successfully attach to so I knew all along that it wouldn't last, and during that time I gained 23 pounds.

3rd, Ian died and I ate my emotions and didn't move from the couch or my bed. AND I upped the depression meds that were making me gain weight in the first place!

4th, because of my depression and inability to cope I stopped using my EXPENSIVE gym membership which also made me gain weight because I was STILL eating like I was working out even thought I wasn't.

THESE ARE EXCUSES.
I NEED TO BE IN CONTROL.

I have always been curvy and that's cool with me, but right now I am obese. For my height, 128 is the MOST that a healthy individual should weigh, with 140 putting you into the overweight category. SO- I guess what I am saying is I'd like to be just overweight by my wedding, not obese. My goal weight is 150 that's my happy and normal weight, but according to my program, I need to weigh no more than 5 more or 5 less than 128 which puts me at 133 on the high side which is 100 POUNDS LESS THAN WHAT I WEIGH NOW.

How do I plan to do this? Lifetime & Weight Watchers

I joined Weight Watchers this Saturday with my cousin and it was VERY intimidating, lots of rules and regulations and measuring, etc. I don't think I have ever been so conscious of what I am putting in my mouth and it feels incredible.

My first goal is 10% of my weight which is 23 lbs

My second goal is 34 lbs so that I am under 200lbs

The overall goal is to lose 5 lbs a month.

I have 13 months until my wedding and at 5lbs a month that would put me at 233-65= 168 which is just a few pounds from my personal goal of 150.

SO! lets do dis! I have a good support team of family, and the people at my work, and I want to be held accountable! That's why I am writing down each thing that I eat, telling people that I am on a program to lose weight, and going for weekly weigh ins at Weight Watchers and keeping up with my cousins past successes.

I am HOPEful, I am EXCITED, and I am NERVOUS! I don't want to fail! I am going to try my very hardest! I don't know if I will even tell anyone that I am making this blog- I just need to be accountable to myself, and get some feelings out, and post my failures and successes so that I can monitor my journey. If for some reason you stumble across my ramblings, leave me something positive, or a tip or two! I can use anything!


STATS as of 8/15/2009:

weight: 233
height: 5'1 here goes!!!!

Wish me luck!!!